How To...Or, NOT To

Labels Are Sticky

Sunday, December 31st, 2006

One of my dear friends and her husband have been contemplating sexual encounters outside of their marriage bed. The more that I talk with them about it, the more I think that they are far too caught up in labeling what they are interested in doing before they do it. Is it polyamory? Is it swinging? Is it an open marriage?

To me, a preconceived definition is the equivalent of standing at the edge of a pool and arguing over whether it is heated. You have absolutely no idea until you’re knee-deep in it.

Admittedly, there should be an extraordinary amount of caution when bringing any new kind of sexual experience into a monogamous relationship. The intent should always be to enhance. And if at any point it doesn’t favorably stimulate the bond you have in your primary relationship, then you should get out of the pool altogether, towel off and wait for the thunder and lightning to cease. (more…)

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Deletes

Thursday, December 28th, 2006

UPDATE: The inspirational photo is now at the end of this post!!

I am one of the guilty little vixens on some sites like Craigslist posting ads and sometimes looking to connect with someone/groups. Tonight I posted an ad (the revenue from my first 451 Press check to the crafty reader who can find it). As I’ve said before it truly does not matter how well-worded or articulate your ad, you will still get cock pics, cock descriptions and other inappropriate responses.

But, I digress.

Now, by no means do you need to have the artistic prowess of Steve Diet Goedde, but when taking photos of yourself that you plan on emailing out to individuals that you have never seen before, do think of the following:

1. Do not sprawl on anything. Sprawling is rarely effective, especially when you haven’t seen the inside of a gym in over a year and your abdomen hasn’t seen sunlight in that same amount of time. The photo that I’m talking about included the individual slumped Al Bundy-style on the couch.

2. Be careful to select a decent background. The photo burned into my brain this evening is of the Al Bundy character sitting on his grandmother’s floral sofa. She may roll over in her grave at the thought. (more…)

Why I brown-filed your response

Sunday, December 17th, 2006

Let’s face it. If you’re a decent-looking woman looking for sex (even if you say you’re part of a couple) you’re going to be swarmed with responses from any ad you post. Case and point: the ad that J and I posted for our Winter Solstice Party has been inundated with responses.

Here are the stats:

48 single males
13 males that would love to “play single” even though they are married
11 couples
4 unicorns

The number of female responses always makes me a little blue. I’d love to see a greater number of confident, single women looking for sexual experiences with couples and groups. I suppose that’s why there’s never a cover charge for the mysterious unicorn. We just count ourselves lucky when we see one. (more…)

Writing a good sex ad/profile, Part II

Thursday, December 14th, 2006

Example of our Winter Solstice Party Ad:
We are a 40-something couple seeking intelligent, creative, thoughtful individuals (M, F, or MF) for sexual play on the evening of December 22nd. It is our hope to find a few individuals of similar interests and personalities to join us in sexual tribute to Global Orgasm Day. (The goal being to have as many incredible orgasms as you can stand, meditating on the energy and emotions before and after.) The evening will be hosted in a hotel suite and is only open to 8 people.

This is not a gangbang evening or any other half-drunken, wild, college romp in the sack. Rather, what we want is individuals who are considerate, respectful lovers. You should be:

- Open to at least incidental contact with a member of the opposite sex
- Non-smoker (it’s just our preference…)
- Disease free (with recent test results)
- Drug free (at least for the party)
- Over the age of 35

We are not interested in seeing any kind of pic in the first email. Just simply write us and tell us why you think you’re a good fit for the party, and a short scenario that you foresee as a possibility (2 or 3 sentences).

A bit about us: She is 5′8″, 155 lbs. dark green eyes and red hair. He is 6′2″ broad-shouldered, blue eyes, and sandy blond hair. (more…)

Writing a good sex ad/profile, Part I

Tuesday, December 12th, 2006

If you remember my post for Global Orgasm Day Celebration, you’ll remember that J and I are planning a party for that evening. We are creating an internet profile/ad and looking for partner(s) that will help us celebrate that day in all its glory. In creating the profile for us, I have thought of the countless ads I’ve posted before for various things. And, in my mind, it is an art form.

There are a variety of things to consider before you throw something up for the world to see…

Tip #1: Decide upon your intent. If you want a loving, sexual relationship you’d write a different kind of profile than if you were looking for a quick romp in the sack. (more…)

Fellatio, Round 4

Friday, December 1st, 2006

- You know that feeling when you step out of the bath and the air hits your skin for the first time? Breath (warm and cool) on a moist erection has the same chilling effect. It is a nice go between as you alternate your position to focus on two lesser emphasized arousal points below.

- Often an overlooked factor in fellatio, are a man’s testicles. Guys, your part is to keep things looking well-groomed and inviting. There is a certain hesitation to be exploring down there because of the incredible sensitivity. Continue stroking him with your hand. Let your tongue trace over the testes and take them one at a time into your mouth (gently). Massage them gently with your tongue. An alternative to this would be to continue focusing on his erection and let your hands and fingertips find their way to his balls instead. I mentioned before the touch of fingers on such sensitive skin can be very arousing. (more…)

Fellatio, Round 3

Friday, December 1st, 2006

Tip #3: Working with what you’ve got

- With as much grace as your fingertips can have in the most sensitive places on your lover’s body, so too can your tongue. Trace delicately the head of his penis, encircling it. Let your tongue explore with mild pressure the underneath side of the shaft. One of my favorite techniques is a side to side motion with my tongue beginning on the upstroke (halfway up the shaft). As he withdraws from my mouth, the tip of my tongue presses against a very sensitive area (the frenulum) and adds extra stimulation.

- There is no better lubricant than spit, so use it. Most fellatio recipients like lots of spit, but others prefer a drier job, so check in with your partner.

- Teeth can, from time to time, play an extra role in the act. But, they should never the lead. Typically, your lips should cover your teeth to keep them from interfering in the strokes. However, kissing and nibbling at the shaft (gently, gently, gently) is also a huge turn-on for some. (more…)

Fellatio, Round 2

Thursday, November 30th, 2006

So, you’re comfortable. It’s a good thing, because it looks like you’ve been waiting a few days for the next step!

It’s my preference to not use a condom for oral sex, but depending on how well acquainted you are with your partner safety may be imperative. So before the next step, put on a condom–now! If you like, you can leave it to the man to do. Thought he’ll be completely enthralled if you can put it on for him–using your mouth. There are some flavored condoms (Lifestyles makes a Kiss O’ Mint) that keep the taste of latex from ruining the mood.

Tip #2: Angles

There are several things that you can do to stimulate and make varied your partner’s experience. Some angles depend on the position you and your partner have selected. (more…)

Fellatio, Round 1

Monday, November 27th, 2006

Some women claim they love nothing better than the feel of their partner’s erection in their mouth. Some indulge their partner in it only for his benefit. Some are perhaps too timid to attempt it–after all, how the hell do we gals know what to do with those foreign, external objects hanging between the legs of our fellas. Sure, you figure it out, experiment, ask your fella what feels the best. But, do you then reach a plateau for performance? Or, would you rather have a repetoire of things to pull out of your hat, ensure a good experience, and make his toes curl in the process?

Tip #1: Make sure you’re BOTH comfortable.

- If he’s standing, I’d recommend giving him something to lean against (dresser, wall, anything). The wind will leave his sails eventually and you don’t want him going all weak in the knees over it. And, you should make sure your knees are saved as well (crumpled up jacket or pillow under them works nicely).

- If he’s lying down, all the better if it is a bed or a reclined seat. If that reclined seat is in a car, beware gals. Torquing to the side isn’t often comfortable long term.

- To take maximum advantage of angles, especially if you’d like to try and take him all the way into your mouth, I recommend my favorite position: you lying on the bed with your head hanging over the side, and him leaning into you. This position also works well for him to please you in some way. And mutual stimulation makes fellatio even more arousing. I suppose I like this position the best because it also takes away some control that I have in pleasing him. He is the one to guide the frequency and depth of the thrusts.

I’ll discuss angles next…

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About Lola David

Lola is a writer living in the Pacific Northwest. She isn't polyamorous, a swinger, or a slut; no labels please. But, she's tried just about everything, leading to a sexuality that isn't easily categorized. Read more about Lola

THIS IS A SEXUALLY EXPLICIT SITE: Meaning, guys & gals--we use language and discuss topics that aren't for the younger folk. If you are under 18, please do not read the material on this site. Instead, bookmark us, & wait a couple years...then come back! That said, if any of this sexually explicit material offends, we'd rather not know about it. This is a world of myriad tastes & fetishes. Find yours.

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