Between the Sheets

It happens to everyone. You’re being all sexy, got on the red teddy or the crotchless panties. You’re giving your man (or woman) “the eyes). You’re grouping. You’re kissing. You’re longing. You’re giving the blow job of your life.

And then the unthinkable happens.

You fart.

It makes you a bit uncomfortable to even read this right now, doesn’t it. I’m not going to lie; it makes me a bit uncomfortable to write it.

Farts are going to happen. It’s just a fact of life. And after like, a few months in a new relationship, you’ll have farted. Maybe you owned it and let it rip. Or maybe you sneaked it out and you both pretended that it didn’t happen. Maybe you even blamed the smell on the dog. In any case, I’m sure it happened.

But farting in your everyday life is sooooooo different than farting in bed. Even if you’re comfortable with it in your everyday life, it’s probably one of the most uncomfortable things that can happen if you’re trying to get it on.

So how do you deal with it?

Well, I’m not trying to sound like an expert here. I mean, who wants to be an expert on gas. But, here is my opinion on how to deal with it. Really, you just need to overcoming the fart.

• If you’re prone to gas, stop eating gassy foods for dinner. No one likes to admit that they’re got a little tooting problem, but we all have weird/gross things about ourselves that we don’t like. If yours is farting, look to the foods you’re eating. You won’t have that problem in the bedroom if you just cut out certain foods before you go to bed.
• Carry on. I’m not usually one to pretend that nothing happened, but if you’re fucking your lover, it’s perfectly acceptable to just pretend that a fart didn’t happen. Weird noises in general, actually - just move on. If you laugh or comment, you’ll kill the mood.
• Excuse yourself. If you feel a “big one” coming on, excuse yourself and go to another room for a second. Yes, leaving in the middle of sex can be a bit of a mood killer, but not if you come back with something totally awesome. Fart, and then bring back some whipped cream from the kitchen or massage oil from the bathroom.

• What’s your advice on gassy situations in the bedroom?