Swinger’s Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide
One of my favorite revolutionary writers, Tom Paine writes in a comment on his article Age & Desire (November 2006, Polyamorously Perverse):
“When a sex scenario is only in your mind, or even between you and your lover, it’s quite “containable” and the two of you can control it. Once you bring in an outsider, all sorts of bad (and good) things can happen:
1.) the new lover falls for one of you;
2.) the other person isn’t very good in bed:
3.) the other person has “drama issues” and the whole thing gets ugly.
“Back in the day,” not all the sexy adventures C. and I had were great. Sometimes the sex was rankly mediocre instead of being hot and satisfying.
Part of me worries that if I seduce C. into fucking someone else, it won’t turn out well and she’ll refuse to do anything else kinky. One of you wrote about dodging that bullet with BDSM swinging and how it almost backfired…”
Our wild, beautiful experiences bookend liaisons that include all of what Tom mentions above.
I always chuckle at the profiles on the sites we belong where people so often say that they are looking for friends that are “drama free.�? They rattle on about their own commitment to each other, claiming that they are looking for “like-minded (and bodied) individuals�? who have an “inviolate commitment to each other.�?
It’s naïve to assume that ANY interaction between four individuals isn’t bound to have a little drama. First, of all there are four individuals (two of whom are women!) with different insecurities, wants and desires. Each couple has unique dynamics that are inherent to them and equally baffling to new individuals.
But, in my mind there is no drama greater in my mind than item #1 and #2 on Tom’s list. The “dodging of our first bullet�? was nothing—a slight blip on the radar—compared to what we encountered years later in our exploration.
(Part II loaded in two shakes of a dom’s flog…)
November 29th, 2006 at 1:15 am
[...] Yes, #1 is a very tricky kind of trouble to find yourself in…wouldn’t recommend it. [...]