Between the Sheets

As a sex blog writer dabbling in dom/sub themes from time to time, I get all of the common questions and concerns:

“How can you promote abuse like this?”

“Don’t you think that subs are being emotionally abused?”

“Why are you advocating for abusive relationships?”

“Don’t you care about the women being abused every day?”

Yes, I think some dom/sub relationships are unhealthy. Some, not all. However, today, as part of Between the Sheet’s Sexual Abuse Awareness Week, I’d like to talk a little bit about a different kind of sexual abuse, one that I myself have experienced: the sexual history lie.

I like sex. I like a lot of sex. And, while right now my sexual experiences are limited to “one at a time” (my own choice), I’ve gone through periods in my life where I had multiple sexual partners. I’ve made some mistakes (haven’t we all), but in general, safety first, always. I’m a big advocate of “Until you know where that’s been, don’t put it anywhere risky.” In other words, if you’re going to play a bit (yay!), take some time to learn about the sexual history of your partner. After all, if they’ve been sleeping with crack addicts this past week and haven’t been tested, you probably don’t want any of that gunk passed along to your waterworks. There’s still a lot of nasties out there. AIDS is not gone.

I’m one of those in-your-face people, and before I sleep with someone, I want to know how many other partners they’ve had, when they’ve last been tested, and if they think they could be at risk. And I’ll tell you straight to your face - no bullshit. I’m up for a good, good, GOOD time, but only if you’re clean.

So the sexual abuse that worries me the most is the silent killer: People lying about their sexual history. I’m not talking about fudging the numbers a little to leave out that one-night stand in high school or keeping the specifics under wraps. I’m talking about people who will look you in the eye and tell you they’re clean when they’re not, or tell you they’ve only been with one or two other people when they’ve really been with dozens. That scares me more than any dom/sub relationship in the world.

Like I said, I have personal experience with this. The liar was not only sleeping with EVERYONE (rather than the two people he told me he’d been with), but he was also *probably* using needles to shoot up various drugs. I say probably because I don’t know. I just can’t be sure what’s truth and what’s lies anymore.

This kind of lie has the potential to kill. No, he didn’t “make” me sleep with him, but he did make me think that I was sleeping with someone different. I would have never slept with someone who likes to share needles for recreational drugs, and it’s very probable that he was doing exactly that.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I survived, and I’m healthy. Unfortunately, millions of men and women around the world are in my situation, and not all of them make it. Most don’t press charges (many can’t because their lover disappears), and few speak about about this kind of abuse.

Today is The Great Mofo Delurk, which means that bloggers everywhere are asking readers to come out of the woodwork and actually leave a comment. So, I want to know who’s lurking. I know you’re out there! Have you ever lied about your sexual history? (Don’t worry, you can leave an anonymous comment.) Has anyone ever lied to you?

Edit from Aurora: I’ve moved! Cum visit me at Between My Sheets!

sexual abuse, sex, sexual health, abuse, domestic violence, domestic abuse