Between the Sheets

This week, Between the Sheets is celebrating and end to sexual abuse by promoting sexual abuse awareness. There are many types of sexual abuse, but the trickiest subject of all, in my opinion, is domination. Is consensual domination a form of sexual abuse?

It doesn’t have to be, but it can be. The mind plays tricks on us sometimes and we tell ourselves that we’re happy when, in reality, we’re trapped by someone who says that he/she loves us. Not all dom/sub relationships are like that. Some are, but not all. However, as a sex blogger, I get a lot questions about the dynamics of any kind of BDSM relationship. I’m not a slave or master myself, so I interviewed one of my favorite bloggers about the topic. She’d like to remain anonymous, but I hope her answers can help shed a bit of light on domination.

Between the Sheets: We’ll start off with the simple questions: How long have you know your Master? Have you always been a slave? What’s your relationship like?

slave: i met my current Master at a BDSM club when i was slave to someone else. So, He wasn’t always my Master, but i was always a slave when i knew Him. Our relationship is very dynamic, but a bit different from some other couples i’ve met. We don’t usually take the “ownership” idea out of the sexual realm. As His slave, i do ask permission for just about everything, but he doesn’t have me do a lot in the way of humiliation. i can’t make my own choices. It’s mostly about submitting to Him sexually.

Wow, so you dumped a Master for a new Master?

Well, i wouldn’t say “dumped.” It was a mutual thing. My ex-Master and i didn’t see one another much (it was a long distance relationship - we met on the Internet), and at the time, i couldn’t even afford high-speed Internet, so sending pictures was hard. i was unhappy and so was He, because we both wanted something more, so i moved on with His blessing.

Did you have to ask permission to leave the relationship?

You know, i did…but i wouldn’t have had to. That’s the thing about a domination relationship. He was my Master, but at the same time i was my own person. Being a slave doesn’t make me an animal or something. It’s always consensual.

That’s pretty important, isn’t it?

Yes. i don’t think a dom/sub relationship can ever be considered successful unless the slave wants to be her (or his) Master’s slave. If a slave wants to break away, that would mean he/she isn’t a slave any longer. And anyone who isn’t a slave has legal rights.

You sounds like you know what you’re talking about.

Kind of. A friend of mine was in a situations as a slave where her Master was blatantly disrespectful of her in front of her son. That’s crossing the line. You don’t call your slave a cunt in front of a seven-year-old, even if she is a cunt. He would also ask her to do stuff, playing the Master card all the time. We’re not talking about sending naked pictures, we’re talking about buying him shit. Beyond that, he crossed the line in the bedroom too. One time, he met a stranger in the bar, tied her up, and had him fuck her without a condom. The mystery man gave her herpes. i’m actually glad that’s all he gave her. It could have been a scarier situation. But at least she got out, with some help from the police.

Why did she stay with him?

Why does anyone ever stay with anyone abusive? We pretend that we’re happy, and because there are good times, we overlook the bad. As a slave, that’s even harder for me. i have to always ask myself, “Is this something i want to do to make my Master happy or is this making me miserable?” Making my Master happy makes me happy! If it didn’t, though, i would think it would be time to move on. A dom/sub CAN BE ABUSIVE.

Thanks for the interview. Anything you want to add?

Just for everyone out there in a dom/sub relationship - don’t forget about yourself. It’s still a relationship and you’re still a person. you have the right to love and be loved. You have the right to be happy and say that you want out.

Edit from Aurora: I’ve moved! Cum visit me at Between My Sheets!