Flutes and Bunnies, Part II
The lunch a couple of weeks ago with Paul was Jay’s idea. The concept came up at the cocktail party we went to earlier in the month. Jay’s colleague, Marc, was dabbling in the film business. It was mostly documentary work, but there was tremendous opportunity for composing score to the films. Of course that night, Paul was the first to pop into my head when Marc said he needed a musician to host a gathering of documentary filmmakers at his home on New Year’s. But, I would never let Paul’s name past my lips.
Jay finally did, last week. It’s a small community of artists, musicians, writers in our neck of the woods. Jay’s mention was bound to be an attempt to cut off anyone else’s mention of Paul beforehand. “Would he be interested?”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“You are talking to him still, right?”
Fuck. “Once in a while, we still speak.”
“Lo.”
“Yes, we talk. Not regularly, but we speak.”
The talk of my feelings about Paul unfolded from there. Days passed and a new virtual friend entered my life. Someone who was quite unexpected. J started to talk with me about my feelings–for him and for others. What did they mean? Was I pushing J out?
Ultimately, the lunch with Paul to give him the news about the gig was not a test, but a show of “love and trust” on J’s part. J wanted, after all that we had talked about, to try to incorporate (not banish) things from my life. A platonic lunch with Paul was a good way for J to be the diplomat, without having to see the man who slept with his wife–just yet.
I was nervous. Jay must have been ill. Paul looked incredible. We picked this little diner in between our two towns. It was tourist locale on the weekends, but during the week the regulars, Marin beatniks and farmers, hung out at the counter.
I was on my second cup of coffee (bad idea–I was way too jittery anyway) when Paul walked in. At some point, I must have told him about the gig. I mostly remember blocking out his flattery, avoiding his touch, and hoping to god that the B&B down the street was full. He looked amazing. Did I say that already?
We took a short walk around the diner, down by Olema Creek. “I appreciate that Jay thought of me for this. It’s nice to know after all that has happened between the three of us that I can still be thought of this way. Thank you, Lola.” He grabbed my arm for a moment to stop me.
“Paul, let’s keep this as honorable as we should, ok? As honorable as Jay deserves.”
“As honorable as you deserve. I’m sorry, Lo. As you wish, my dear.” As you wish–it was always Paul’s way of saying he loved me, without actually saying it. The strength of his voice as he said “as you wish” left me drunk. He pulled back from me then, seeing the strength he still had over me and not wishing to see me flee once again.
“Well, enjoy the rest of the day,” and he pressed his lips to my cheek briefly. His hand still clutched my arm, sliding down to clasp my hand as his lips touched my cheek. He squeezed my hand momentarily, held on to it as he backed away. My eyes stayed on his for a moment. He smiled and turned.
A note from Paul that evening:
“Lo, I wanted to thank you and J. I talked to Marc and we’re all set for New Year’s. You will be there, right? Hope so!
On a personal note, it was wonderful to see you again, dear. During our walk by the water’s edge, it felt to me as though the bond between us remains undiminished. Even if you don’t think so, It was very good to just stroll along and talk again…and, of course, to be near you once more. My best to you both, Paul”
love, polyamory, intimacy, sex, marriage, group sex
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:19 am
You’re playing with fire, Ms. David. I hope you have asbestos in your knickers and not just lace.
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:46 am
Fire retardant lace…Up here off the cold Pacific, we need a little warmth. Plus, I have alternating lovers to extinguish and reapply any safety measures as needed.
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Well, others may not be as flinty and fireproof. Fall-out, my dear Ms. David. Fallout.
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Mindfulness and terrific communication, Mr. Paine. And, an acknowledgement, moment by moment that what you’re doing is healthy for your primary relationship. If it isn’t, then you need to be completely able to walk away. (That’s my two cents.)
It’s too bad that there isn’t a blog out there that talks about the potential pitfalls of polyamory.
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Well, we aren’t hearing first-hand from our opposites in all of this. Is J. in pain from your “core ingrata”? C. said to me this PM “we’re closer than ever, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel pain at the thought of you being in love with another woman.” Does J allow you your wanton ways, and even encourage them because he doesn’t dare oppose your restless spirit?
Yes, the world needs a blog to expose the fallacy of polyamory. I’ll suggest it to Jefferson….
January 3rd, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Yes, I am a dictator of polyamory never to be opposed. Overlooking my spouse’s feelings and insecurities is second only to my love of collecting all bibical (and Civil War) artifacts and spreading my message of love for all to the mindless masses.
You, dear Tom, would do well to illustrate to C your passion for her. And in doing so, the bulk of her insecurities would be laid to rest. Insecurities (real ones, not the uncurable kind) are only around when a little attention is needed.
For example, do not think of the “other woman” when you’re in bed next to slumbering beauty such as C.
This polyamory thing is work…but it’s worth it. It will infect all relationships with a renewed passion and vibrance…
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:33 pm
Cue the Robert Palmer….
Actually, there’s two songs I have in mind….
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:07 pm
You had better not mean Discipline of Love or Which of Us is the Fool…
More like Some Guys Have All the Luck…
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:31 pm
“Addicted to Love” and “Some Like It Hot.”