Between the Sheets

I have been a fan of Nerve.com since their conception. They constantly ran a version of “Real Sex” on HBO that was designed by Nerve, and as I was “coming of age” at the time, it was the best thing since sliced bread.

(If you’re also a fan of Nerve.com and have seen that show, you now have me dated.)

As you know, I toy with erotica. I prefer mine a bit on the kinky side, exploring BDSM and bi-curiousity and other things that I’ve dabbled in through the years. I find that exploring through erotica allows me to “try” things safely, and to find my footing before I venture out.

However, there are times when good erotica can go horribly, HORRIBLY wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you NERVE’S BAD EROTICA CONTEST.

While I have mixed feelings about sending you off unsatisfied, it is definitely worth clicking over. Because, in my humblest of opinions, you must have a fantastic sense of humor to truly enjoy sex.

erotica, Nerve, Real Sex

Tom B. wrote in with an interesting question:
I’m thinking of getting a genital piercing. How do girls feel about that? And are there any known health risks I should consider?

Well, Tom, that is a very good question. First let’s start with the facts: there are several health risks you should consider when it comes to male piercings.

The most common male genital piercing is the “Prince Albert”, where a ring is inserted right outside the frenulum and through the urethra. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that this is a painful experience, but thankfully, there is a lower chance of infection for genital piercings than most other piercings. There are some major drawbacks, however; urinals may be a thing of the past. Since the urethra is punctured, most men learn to urinate sitting down after the piercing. And even if the piercing is removed, it may not regenerate, so consider it a permanent decision.

So, all of the bad and scary stuff aside, there are still many women out there who swear by sex with a man who has had a Prince Albert. It makes sense, logically, that a foreign object attached to the head of a man’s penis would rub a woman the right way. I have to say that you have hit upon one of a very few things that are foreign to yours truly, although I’m not against it. I will try anything once.

My dear Tom, I suppose the best advice I can lend on the topic would be to do whatever your heart desires. This is a decision that only you can make, because it is something that will stay with you forever.

And I’m eagerly anticipating pictures.

genital piercing, prince albert

As I slipped under the table, the buzzing grew louder.

With the white linen tent surrounding me, I found myself focusing in on the noises punctuating the restaurant: the clinking glasses, the muffled polite chatter, the patter of the servers’ feet. The smells of seared meat and aromatic wines drifted in the breeze that ruffled the skirt of the tablecloth. I could’ve stayed there for some length of time, but the quick pulse of the vibrator on my clit reminded me that he was waiting.

I ran my hands up his pant legs, and to my surprise, he was trembling as well. I suppose I wasn’t the only one nervous about this public endeavor. As my hands neared his groin, the firm lump standing at attention let me know that he was excited as well. A quick slip of his zipper unleased his cock, and I took him into my mouth. His entire body relaxed as I swirled my tongue around his shaft, and I heard him internalize a moan as I flicked the tip of my tongue around the head of his penis.

I heard the waiter ask for a dessert order, and I took this opportunity to turn the tables: he struggled to pass on dessert as I pumped him underneath the table. I felt him tense up on my tongue, and I knew that he was soon going to explode. I drew small circles on his testicles with my fingernails, and then slightly tugged, and on cue, I felt him release in my mouth. I took him all in, swallowing hungrily, and I heard him sigh loudly.

I grabbed the napkin and resurfaced. He had taken care of the bill; he was just waiting patiently for my return. He took my hand and kissed it lightly on the palm and met my eyes with his gaze. “Thank you,” he whispered. “You made my night amazing.”

publix sex, fellatio, vibrator, oral sex

Yes, chapter 3 (the final chapter) is coming, dear readers. Your emails have given me some great ideas for the “dessert”; please keep checking back to see if I’ve incorporated any of your requests. And always remember that you can reach me anytime you care to. I promise to get back to you.

Today, however, I happened upon some interesting information. Did you know, for instance, that orgasms have been scientifically proven to be stress-releasers? That part may not surprise you; Lord knows I feel much less stressed after a big O. But did you know that orgasms are also a bonafide pain reliever? Ah ha! One more reason to search for that sometimes elusive climax.]

I all too often hear women complaining about the lack of orgasms in their life, and to this I say: GET ON IT, DEAR. Men giving women orgasms is much like having a landscaper come to your house: it’s nice to sit back and watch the magic happen, but you can just as easily get your hands dirty yourself. I thought I might dispell a few myths here about the common female orgasm.

• The G spot is the secret to a great O. Ah, the jury’s still out on this one. While certainly the G spot is a fantastic tool to realize, found directly through the front wall of the vagina, some women feel it too strongly to enjoy it. (I’ve often heard some women complain that it causes the sensation of having to urinate, and that would most DEFINITELY turn me off in the moment.) So while exploring is lots of fun, it is NOT the only road to O.
• Not all women can orgasm.STOP THE INSANITY. Of course all women can orgasm! While there might be a medical reason (some chemotherapy drugs and antidepressants tend to stifle the sex drive) that ladies can’t reach orgasm, there is no reason you should EVER (EVER!) stop trying.
• All women should climax during intercourse.I laugh when I hear this one. Honey, if you feel like you’ve failed because you can’t get off during intercourse, let me introduce you to the world of foreplay. I know in MY bedroom, my pleasure comes FIRST, and that usually happens in foreplay. So before you even THINK about penetration, think about the many posts you’ve read here, and how few of them actually revolve around the act of sex.

• So there you go. I hope I dispelled, at the very least, a couple of myths that are too often used as excuses. I suppose my last question is: why are you still reading this article, and not trying something out?

  Sweet dreams, dears.
  

  orgasms, masturbation, foreplay, g spot